Updated: Oct 20
I have learned that I must make a daily decision to be bless.
I turned fifty on October 8. 2019, and after months of reflection on my fifty years on this earth, the only word that sums it all up is blessed. According to Dictionary.com, blessed is defined as blissfully happy and divinely favored. I have not always felt divinely favored, but when I look back on my life with wise eyes, I know that is exactly what I have experienced.
When I was younger, I felt that God did not love me and only sought to punish me. I am the product of an extra-marital affair, so growing up in the church was bittersweet. No one in my church made me feel that way personally, but constantly hearing people talk about sin and how God hates sin caused a great deal of conflict for me. My mother constantly told me that God loved me, but subconsciously I believed that because I was a product of sin, I was sin, which meant God hated me.
This subconscious belief caused me unnecessary pain, but it also made me a hard-working go-getter. Since I didn’t expect God to answer my prayers, I felt that I had work hard to get the things I wanted in life. I even worked hard to get God to love me. I attended church religiously and gave my time, talent, and treasure to the church. When I had my son out-of-wedlock, I did not want to believe that God didn’t love my beautiful baby boy. I began to doubt my belief because of the love I had for my son, but it wasn’t enough. It took a couple of years before I came to know God as my loving father, and it took ten more years before I began to change my thoughts on religion and life.
Today, when I say that I am blessed, it is because I know that I am not sin or even a sinner. I am a child of God who He created in His image and likeness. When God created me, He called me very good. I know that I am one with God because He lives in me. There is nothing that can separate me from God’s love or his presence. I am blessed because everything God is, I am too. My life is blessed because knowing God as my father puts me in line to inherent all of the good God has for me. I understand that as a child of an infinite God, I shall have no lack.
I am blessed to be healthy, surrounded by people who love me, and to have raised my son to be a kind man. However, I have come to understand that it is my expectation of good, and me feeling blessed that truly makes my life blessed. I am on a mission to help others experience this Blessed Life.
Also pick up a copy of my I Am BLESSED JOURNAL at www.tolsonbooks.com.